By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
