what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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