I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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