it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
