Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
