I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
