she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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