I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
