His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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