Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
