So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
