Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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