You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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