All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
