the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
