as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
