when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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