I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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