Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
