Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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