I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
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you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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