I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
