So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
