we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
