in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
