Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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