Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
