She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
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im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize