yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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