ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
As shirtless as possible
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
