Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
