I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Enjoy the penises
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
