Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
