My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
