Too much gin, very little bucket
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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