WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
