yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Randomize
