soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
