if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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