I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
