i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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