I will die if light touches me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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