70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
