I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
