she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
