i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you're hired as official boob wrangler