I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sex on roller skates
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...