I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
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After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
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took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for