Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
