Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
