So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
