Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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