she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
