I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
