Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
