he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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