Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
