i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
