She went from zero to smokin in five shots
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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