just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
