this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
