Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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