He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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