I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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