You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
