Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she told me i tasted like america
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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