I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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