your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
