he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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