She went from zero to smokin in five shots
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
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