i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
