things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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