I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
