I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
