Need sex. Gaining weight.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
