I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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