i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
